“nothing to fear but fear itself”, Franklin D. Roosevelt
“Fears are nothing more that a state of mind”, Napoleon Hill
Fear is not real. It is not a threat. It is a collection of emotions that we experience when we feel could be in danger. To overcome fear, change the way you interpret your surrounding and the situation you find yourself in.
Following is a method I use to overcome fear:
- Stop and think
- Breathe and pay attention to my breathing to change my state of mind
- Remind myself that my imagination the worst is surely just a fantasy
- Talk yourself into doing what you are afraid of because you need to overcome the fear
- Reward yourself for overcoming your fear
Jay was a straight A student in university. He had an excellent resume but was afraid of going to a job interview. He kept delaying interviews or simply not showing up. Sometimes, he would go to the building where the interview will take place and not have the courage to walk in. To help our good friend, we organized a mock interview. He panicked in the mock interview, knowing that we were his friends doing a mock interview in the university cafeteria.
After many rounds of discussion, I thought I figured out the root cause. He was a straight A student and worked very hard to never be less than perfect. His worst nightmare was not getting a perfect score. A job interview for him was an opportunity to be rejected, to fail. This mortally scared him.
For his next interview, I practiced my method with him. We will pretend to open a door to go to a room to be interviewed. He would hesitate. We would stop. We would take deep breaths together and talk about the fear, and try to confront it in small steps. Then reward ourselves. It was baby steps. First get the courage to reach the door. Next time touch the doorknob. Next time open the door. After three weeks, he was able to sit in a mock interview. We continued practicing 15 min everyday. Six months later, he was able to take his first interview. Six years later, he landed his first job as a programmer. Without practice to face his fear, he would still be washing dishes in a restaurant.
So many people missed the opportunity to spend their life with someone they love simply because they never had the courage to talk to the person. So many people are constantly find themselves not getting what they want simply because they don’t have to courage to speak up or step up.
What fears are holding you back? Where would you be if you can conquer your fears? Write them down. The write an achievable baby step plan to overcome your fears. Practice a little each day and reward yourself for the accomplishment.
Overcome your fears so that you can live the life you want to live, the life you deserve to live. You only get to live once so make the most of it.